


Insufficient

by Cumberbatch Critter (ivelostmyspectacles)



Series: Ignoct Week 2017 [10]
Category: Final Fantasy XV
Genre: (or lack thereof), Canon Injury, Coping, Depression, Gen, M/M, Suicidal Thoughts, post chapter 9
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-08-04
Updated: 2017-08-04
Packaged: 2018-12-10 21:31:44
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 727
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11700282
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ivelostmyspectacles/pseuds/Cumberbatch%20Critter
Summary: They both struggle with their newfound darkness after the events with in Altissia.Fifth Timed Quest for Ignoct Week! Prompt:Darkness





	Insufficient

Ignis’s world is darkness.

It’s not completely so, technically speaking, but compared to the world he saw before, it’s dark enough. He has… never been fond of the darkness. It prevents a clear line of sight, _and_ it saps his strength. Thankfully his daytime isn’t _actually_ nighttime; he may not be able to see it the way he aches for, but he can feel the heat of the sun’s rays on his skin and that helps. It tries to give him energy, even on the days where he isn’t sure he wants it. He spends a lot of time inching towards a sunbeam immediately following the injury, when he is well enough to be back on his feet. He needs to feel that warmth.

(He wants to feel Noctis’s warmth, a hand in his and a body pressed against him, but he does not fault him for lack of it now. He understands.)

The darkness is like a shroud. He can feel it settling over him more, day by day. He waves it away impatiently– he has things to do, and he does plan on doing them– but it’s as though he can still feel it beneath his shoulders, brushing at his arms, ready to smother and take him in and never let him escape.

Some days are worse than others. Some days he… he wants to let that darkness wash over him, and those are the days that _scare_ him. _What if I just give up?_ The thought is jarring, each time it happens. It doesn’t happen often, but it catches his breath in his throat and puts something indescribable into his chest before he pushes it away because he _cannot_ give up. He has things to do, and Noctis _needs_ him.

He swallows his tears and his frustrations, and he learns to adapt. He tries, anyway. It’s a journey. A long journey, and it isn’t one he can walk alone and it isn’t one he can ask Noctis to help him walk right now.

The darkness doesn’t go away, and he isn’t sure if it ever will.

 

 

Noctis’s world is darkness.

He doesn’t know where to begin. He can’t take to the dark and the quiet like he usually would, as he stays tucked up alone, unable to see anyone. He can’t handle the dark and the quiet because it gives him leave to think about everything that he doesn’t want to. He thinks about all of the sacrifices that are being made for him, all of the sacrifices that have been made for him. It _hurts._ It’s _hopeless_. Everything is covered in shadow even though the light outside the curtains tries to pour through the window. The world continues outside as though nothing has happened. Noctis cannot bring himself to look; he burrows further into himself and tries to ignore the normalcy. Things will never be normal again.

The darkness is like a noose. It’s always there. It’s always hanging just inside his reach, he can reach out and touch it if he likes. He could step forward and put his neck right into the twisted rope of despair and he could let himself fall.

… Sometimes, he thinks about. He thinks about it a lot. At least, he thinks about it more than is probably healthy, but he can’t bring himself to care. His dad shouldn’t have died. Luna shouldn’t have died. Ignis shouldn’t have been injured. Any tragedy that had been suffered in his name should _not_ have been. It should have been _him_. He’s in the wrong for having survived when the others didn’t. He doesn’t _belong_ here. He doesn’t deserve any safety or security or _happiness_ when he is the one who’s to fault for all of it.

He wants to let himself step up to that noose, and he wants to let the darkness take him in. He doesn’t care. Not anymore.

He takes it day by day, is what he would like to say. In reality, the days blend together. They are combinations of unhappiness and numbness and the urge to never do anything again, and sleep. He keeps moving even when he wants nothing more than to lay down. He doesn’t know how he’s expected to, but he will until he can no longer.

The darkness is all-encompassing, and he’s sure that he deserves to suffer it alone.

**Author's Note:**

> Okay, I have so many thoughts about the boys and their depression post Ch9. I could go on about Noctis forever and ever, but I won't. Ignis... I could there too, but mainly. Look, this is a _life-altering_ change for him, too. It's taken away a huge part of who he is (come on, he wears glasses even though his sight isn't THAT bad to begin with) so despite how brushy off he is about it to Noct? It's a big deal. It's always going to be a big deal, even if he never says it or shows it.
> 
> Iggy knows he has to go on because he has to protect the prince. 
> 
> Noctis, however... he has people, but he's also coping entirely differently. Especially because the person he was trying to save is gone now. Even with Ignis waiting for him, in an established relationship, he's isolating himself because. yeah. depression does that, and it sucks


End file.
